We finally have a US birth certificate for our daughter. She was born in China and was legally adopted there more than four years ago. After a lot of procrastinating, we jumped through the hoops at the Probate Court to re-finalize the adoption here because her Chinese birth certificate is four pages long and, well, it’s in Chinese. The first time we got the birth certificate, the state listed the name incorrectly. Not hers. Mine. I didn’t change my name when we were married, so to pair my first name with my husband’s last name creates a person who doesn’t exist. I do exist, and I’m her mother. We called the Probate Court and they called the State Department of Health and they fixed it and we finally finally received the corrected birth certificate (two copies, thank you).

Having a US birth certificate will make it easier to register her for school, etc. etc. She’ll never be able to run for president because she wasn’t born in the United States, she was born in China. China isn’t part of the United States. Hawaii and 49 other states are part of the US. Hawaii became a state in 1959, so if you were born there in say, 1961, you can totally run for president. Totally.

I don’t mind that my kid will never be able to run for president. Those who have met her are convinced that my daughter is the Future Empress of the World. I mean, who the hell wants to be president when you’re going to be the Empress? Those of us born in the United States will just have to settle for being president and winning more votes than any other individual in American history.